Larry Craig revisited

I was sitting on the can thinking the other day and of course my thoughts turned to Larry Craig ... whose wouldn't?


A brief recap may be necessary. Larry Craig, a US senator from Idaho, was traveling by airplane from point A to point B about a year or so ago. During a layover at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, nature called on Larry and he went to the nearest men's room, entered a stall and latched the door. (This is all conjecture, mind you, I wasn't there, but it's a common enough scenario that intuitional leaps can be safely made.)

While Larry waited for peristaltic motion to work its magic, another gentleman entered the neighboring stall. Suddenly, Larry sensed bromance in the fetid air. He poked a toe over into the next stall as a way of announcing his availability for liaison activity. Unfortunately for Larry, the guy in the next stall was a cop and justice, normally slow and plodding, pounced with puma-like speed. Larry was arrested and charged with public lewdness and solicitation of sexual acts.

The cop said Larry's foot had clearly intruded on the private stall space the cop was occupying. Moreover, the cop maintained, Larry's foot language definitely had that come hither tone.

Larry denied everything. Part of his defense was that he has an unusually wide stance when relieving himself of nature's urgencies. 

A couple of things about this stance defense: 

1. A wide stance can be justified if Larry was standing in the stall peeing into the toilet. Maybe he has exceptionally large testicles and standing wide is the only way he can comfortably relieve himself. But why would he go into a stall to pee? In most airport men's rooms a line of urinals longer than the road to Morocco awaits contributions. Perhaps Larry, knowing his wide-stance proclivities might discomfit fellow urinal users, retired to a stall to maintain their peace of mind. Or maybe he's one of those guys who just can't let loose in front of other guys. 
2. If Larry was sitting, however, the problem becomes more involved. I developed and tested a theory right there on my own porcelain convenience. Your stance while you sit is limited by the inside diameter of your underwear. If you wear size 34 boxers, say, and your boxers and pants are around your ankles, the widest you can spread your ankles is about 18 inches. Sure, you can splay your knees out farther, but your ankles hit the outward limit at 18 inches. This restricts your ability to play footsie with the guy next door. Unless you take your pants and underwear off. 

Larry Craig ... pants and tighty-whiteys cast aside ... trolling for love in a men's room stall. Politics as usual.